Hayley's Suicide (Lost American Dad Episode)

I always love American Dad. "Why do you love it," ask you? Because its riffages and jokes are not like creator Seth MacFarlane's other cartoon, Family Guy, where it has cutaway gags! This show has more humor and it's awesome! It involves a conservative, dumb but fun, CIA working, father, Stan Smith, a wife that is kinda hot, but is also hard working, Francine, a nerdy, sci-fi loving son, Steve, a liberal, hippie/daughter, Hayley, a lovable jerk of an alien, Roger, and an Olympic skier trapped in a goldfish's body, Klaus. Wait... why am I introducing you the characters when you already know them? But what people didn't know is that there was a lost episode based on an American dysfunctional family.

I want everybody to know that I work at a McDonalds, home of the clown that every kid can fetish and one day be like him. I serve as a cashier at the place. One day, there was an extremely obese man that probably weighs 500, yet he is still alive. He asked if he can have 32 Big Macs and 50 Quarter Pounders. God, I'm surprised he didn't have a stroke yet! And he crapped over the floor of the restaurant with a VHS tape, which I guess that it was in his ass this whole time. And that's where the tape was.

With a tape in my hand, I left work without telling the boss, running to my $2 million apartment as fast as I can. Nevermind the McRib sandwich, I'm curious what this tape is about! As I got home, I looked at the VHS tape, and was typed in Comic Sans font as "HAYLEY AD LOST EPISODE," probably assuming that it is a lost American Dad episode. That must be awesome! I mean, I am an American Dad fan and I do believe there are a lot of lost episodes in real life. The weird thing is the picture. It's not really American Dad-related, but more of an unnecessary picture of George Jetson's testicles. I mean, this must be a prank or something. I took my time to put the tape in the VCR, rewound the tape since it was in the very end, and then, I pressed play!

The intro began unusually. We see the opening, but in a rap style, I mean, okay, nothing wrong with it, since I like old school rap from Ice Cube and whatnot. But then, they promote Mountain Dew soda. I'm guessing Fox or TBS wanted to air the episode with sponsorship by Mountain Dew. When we get to the end of the opening, Roger, who usually pops out of nowhere in disguise, had no disguise and was screaming, "OH MY GOD!" so loud that it shook my room. They, then crash to the CIA building, dead.

The episode begins with Hayley in her room, unusually depressed. It looked like she was drawing Comic Sans "The Man" Hernandez in his paper. "Dinner time!" Francine, Hayley's mom, yelled offscreen. Next, we cut to the dinner table, assembling as hell. Hayley is in the table, crying, Steve looked disheveled, and Klaus had a disgusted look on his face. As for Stan, he looked disappointed, and had a shirt that said, "MY BONES ARE PINK" in Comic Sans font. "You know, Franny, honey," said he, "It's such a great dinner. I may smoke my own faggot right now." Yeah, I guess it was okay, seeing as how the word, faggot, means cigarette. "Dad, you shouldn't have called me a faggot." said Steve. "What did you say, I'm gonna fucking stab your eyes out!" said Stan angrily, as he manages to grab a gun. Hayley then yells out of nowhere, "STOP KILLING PEOPLE! RECYCLE OR I'LL EAT YOUR BRAINS OUT!" Roger then came to the table, looking queasy, and having an unusual Scottish accent. "How's about I eat my pecan sandies." he said while kicking Klaus, causing him to cry.

I was getting ready to shut the tape off, I mean, what the hell is this? This isn't the American Dad I know and love! Then, Hayley screamed so loud that her eyes became blood red. It sounded like Rachael MacFarlane, the voice of Hayley and the sister of creator Seth MacFarlane, was really screaming in terror, and not acting at all! Like nothing, Stan said while this was going on, "I'm about to eat 576 tacos at Taco Bell right now." as he shoots Steve, in the most gruesome way possible. Then, we cut to Hayley, on the floor, dead, with modern day footage of 9/11 playing.

The outro credits play, and the words appear as I feared,

Play this fucking episode again, I will murder you and your mother.

You will regret the day that you made Bob Saget famous.

You will regret the day that you masturbate to Uncle Phil porn.

You will regret the day that you work at McDonalds.

You will regret the day that you saw a fat man.

Get ready to die.

Sincerely, George Jetson

I shrieked as I ejected the tape. Who is George Jetson? Bob Saget of Full House? Uncle Phil porn, is that porn from Fresh Prince? I mean, what the fuck is happening?

I tried to shrug it off, I mean, maybe the American Dad crew was just pulling a prank. But then, I hear Hayley's cry, and I hear George Jetson yelling, "Cry now, bitch! I got my three testicles with." Could it be that there are people hiding in the refrigerator? Nah. Well, I opened it anyway. Oh my god! Hayley is tied on a rope! I tried to untie, but out of nowhere, George Jetson appeared! He said, "If you want to see a Judy wannabe in my house, you better start crying right now!" I froze. I don't know what to think at this moment. I was terrified that this is happening. I got strapped on a rope with Hayley, and pink skeletons pop out and say the number 576 for literally, 576 times.

Before I fainted in a coma, the last thing I saw was George Jetson, shoving his three testicles at me, and an American flag that looked like one, but different, popped up, and said, GOOD MORNING USA, in Comic Sans font. And now you know that I lost all love with American Dad.

THE END