Catscratch the Lost Episode

Have everyone of you ever heard of the Nickelodeon cartoon show, Catscratch? Who doesn’t? It’s purr-fect entertainment. Although given the historical events of drama that has been going on in the department of Nickelodeon Animation Studios; such as the episodes on Nickelodeon; the list goes on- this right here is a true story of how I found the lost episode as the story begins with “I was an intern;” because yes… I was an intern.

Viewer discretion is advised.

I worked closely with Doug TeNaple; you’ve heard of him right? Creator of Catscratch; as well as Earthworm Jim? Well as I was hired to be a dog grip for the animation department and have been close friends with Doug himself. Unfortunately, all this suddenly changed for the absolute worst. I was promoted from my boss at Nickelodeon to attend advance screenings for upcoming episodes to any individual show airing at the time. I was finally invited to a screening of the new episode of Catscratch; but the first time being in this kind of showing would end up being my only time; as well as my last time working here.

Surprisingly, nobody came to the screening. Even the creator and his staff of animators and writers of the show did not show up. I honestly assumed that the boss was rude or maybe people were sick with the flu. Regardless I ended up watching as I grabbed my pen and paper just to take notes.

The intro played normally; the title card however, wasn’t as normal as I thought. The title read, “WAFFLE WARNED YOU.” The still framed picture was Waffle eating the apple pie with scary spaghetti and red meat as he looked down with utter disappointment.

The episode itself began with an unusual series of muted colors. Waffle was in the living room sitting in the corner. No expression. Nothing. He just feels scared inside. You could say that he’s “disheveled,” but worse… much worse. You could say that his eyes were bloodshot and/or hyper-realistic, but worse… much, much worse. His afraid expression suddenly turned into a glazing mad as if he has bipolar personality disorder. You see, I used to be a psychology doctor and prior to that I was a sales clerk at a porno movie store. For the former; I could relate to his expression about my life. The latter… well, the shocking thing is… Waffle aggressively took Cialis and Viagra pills just only to be massively horny. Ugh, and we get to a see a kitty penis on an animated children’s television series. I didn’t want to see this. This suddenly segwayed into Waffle brutally destroying his pet newts as we were given a realistic bloody gore scene with photo-realistic grisly images as that scene… that scene was suddenly sped up and the colors got more and more dark. You could hear loud noises of fainting in the background and louder sounds of mass gun shootings as if a terrorist attack happened at Nick Animation!

Mr. Blik comes in (the black cat voiced by Newman from some sitcom I used to remember… what was that show’s name again?...), and he was grinning but it looked more haunting; sinister as all hell; I was petrified by his smiling face. He asks Waffle if he wanted to start a revolution- and no it’s not that one famous song… you know, from Rise Against or Creed? No this was Mr. Blik starting World War III as he had an angry screaming German man with a German war outfit full of swastikas and a short mustache. Waffle lectures about a terrible dystopian future… something that will cause a deadly massacre… more victims being shot and killed… another crash to the World Trade Centre… he whispers to Mr. Blik, “I want to believe.”

Gordon the cat who suspiciously sounds awfully like reality TV chef Gordon Ramsay walks in and insults the characters... and the writers? “You listen up… you can’t write. You can’t write! You are fuckin’ terrible at writing an episode, you have no fleshed out character development this time around you fuckin’ whores!” Holy shit, why is he cursing in a kid’s show?! Nickelodeon didn’t need this kind of profanity… maybe I was wrong. “And you ARE dead wrong, Renaldo!” Gordon said pointing at the camera towards me as if he was breaking the fourth wall; but no he stared at me with his demonic bloodshot eyes.

Now there’s this girl in the show named Kimberly (not the Kardashian of course); she was supposed to be the girlfriend of Gordon. But in a strange term of events, she looks like a feminist lesbian SJW with ear-piercings and her Tank Girl button ranting and raving about president Trump by jumping and down like a spoiled child. This is out of character; as Gordon announces, “Kimberly, I’m about to dump you. I don’t like you anymore.” Kimberly screamed, “Are you harassing me, you pussy! I identify as a feline helicopter.” Gordon felt queasy and unsure as to what she meant so she screamed out loud bloody murder.

I can’t take this episode anymore. I felt like if I continue this, the world might end. This is horrifying given that this episode feels like it’s out of its continuity of the show itself. The next scene is with Waffle vomiting and turning into a spiritual demon as he fucks the butler and Mr. Blik was seen doing a seig heil… and then the background mysteriously changed into a cliff as if there was an animation error; and as he was about to jump off, he grabbed a gun and shot himself!

“Hey Super Mario, why don’t you fuck off.” Gordon’s voice yelled in the background as loud as possible that he was referring to myself. I am not a Fresh Prince character and I certainly as hell do not look like a famous Nintendo character. Though I do look like Wario- but fuck this episode; I left the screening, I took the VHS tape out, and I stormed directly to the office! I was in agony because of this lost episode as I tried to show him and the creator some proof, but as soon as I put the tape in- nothing was playing. They think I’m crazy buuuuuuuut the world is an insane place full of insane people. Skeletons left and right.

And that’s how I was fired. So what to do now? Well--

THE END???