X-Men Lost Episode

How's it goin', my disheveled grand dads? My name is LeFrean MacChihuahua, and I am a fan of the superhero animated series from the '90s, X-Men. Based on the beloved comic book series from Marvel Comics created by Stan Lee during the '60s, which consists of Charles Xavier, Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, Iceman, Rogue, Kitty Pryde, Magneto, Deadpool, and Alf- wait a minute, Alf didn't appear in X-Men. Though that would be cool- the show ran on Fox Kids, during 1992 through 1997, alongside Hulk and Spiderman amongst the greatest Marvel superheroes. However, like many other creepy lost episodes to many beloved TV shows that have been unearthed on the internet, there was a lost episode I found on VHS on that one faithful day. Though this isn't a HUGE surprise, given that I also found my cool ranch Doritos and Mountain Dew that one time.

E3 sucked this year.

So as you may or may not know, I am actually a pet store clerk. I try to sell pets to friendly guests, but people were rude to animals, so I give them some Pepsi, and my Woody Woodpecker Nike shoes. One day, some guy wanted a doggie in the window. You know, the creepy one with the waggin' tail? The one that had bloodshot eyes and had looked disheveled? Anyway, so when he asked for that, he offered me a lovely, beautiful present. Oh, what can it be? Oh, hachi machi! It's a VHS tape! But it's all covered in dirty shit sanchez, and it's written, "X-Men LE" in pink Comic Sans, which I assume that it's the lost episode. Oh my dream had finally came true! I found a lost episode, so the exchanged happened! I wanted to get fired anyway and risk losing my job, so I rushed home with my VHS tape, ran to my WWII tank all the way to my apartment! When I got home, I turned on my TV and my VCR player, fixed the co-ax cables, put on the VHS tape, rewound the tape, yadda yadda yadda, all that fuckin' happy horseshit!

And then, I a-pushed a-play.

The episode started unnaturally. The episode begins with a title card saying, "THE JUGGERNAUT SEES" and it had a German swastika on Juggernaut's helmet. Whatever, I pressed on.

The episode properly began with Wolverine, unusually crying. He was seen holding a picture of Axl Rose from Guns N Roses, which is strange. I squinted my eyes a little, but whatever. Xavier comes in, in a style of Kramer, and not in a wheelchair; in fact, he's seen walking. Xavier comes in and says, "Hey Wolverine, we gotta stop Juggernaut. He's starting World War III." Wolverine then becomes aggressive and then chokes Xavier! Then, he pulls down his pants and rapes Xavier! Ech! That's gross! We even get to see Wolverine's dick! Hell, Xavier even enjoys getting penetrated!

Meanwhile, Juggernaut is seen with Adolf Hitler, and he yells with a German accent, "I AM JUGGERNAUT, AND I AM GONNA FUCK EVERYONE IN THE X-MEN TEAM BECAUSE I AM DEADLY AND SINISTER, LIKE MY DICK." Wait, why is there cursing in a kid's show? That's inappropriate! Everything about this episode so far is inappropriate! The next scene shows the Nazis going the Class of the X-Men. Kitty Pryde calls Xavier, but he's already dead. Pryde tries to go through walls, but instead, she tells some unfunny Seinfeld jokes just to break some fourth walls, which became unusual. But out of nowhere, Juggernaut interrupts Pryde's jokes by yelling, "I'M A NAZI, BITCH!" and uses his gun to shoot her! Deadpool was seen and shoves a propane tank into Kitty Pryde's mouth!

"Buck Strickland," Deadpool muttered, "forgive me for using propane for this." It doesn't even sound like the original voice actor for Deadpool. It sounds like Mike Judge, the voice of Hank Hill, or even an older man. Wait, was King of the Hill relevant by the time X-Men was aired?

Cyclops then uses his eyes to laserbeam Juggernaut, but then kills himself by tying a noose around his neck. I couldn't handle this anymore. Everyone dies, I shut the tape off. No more of this.

Then, there was a knock on my door. I opened it.

It was the same person that gave me the VHS tape, but what's more bizarre was that he looked like Juggernaut. But it WAS Juggernaut all this time! He even had a pet dog with me, even more sinister and aggressive! They both attacked me, attacked me till I fell to the ground. They grabbed the VHS tape, as if they pulled a prank on me. I felt like a fucking piece of shit.

No more X-Men. Fuck my life.

THE END